In January I published a post called 'Differences' that included my views on why the EU couldn't work at this time. Yestewrday I read a newspaper article that brought that post to mind.
The article was slanted towards breaking up the EU and quoted a...
'Nobel Prize-winning economist, Milton Friedman...in 1997: "Europe exemplifies a situation unfavourable to a common currency. It is composed of separate nations, speaking different languages, with different customs, and having citizens feeling far greater loyalty and attachment to their own country than to a common market or to the idea of Europe". As he hardly needed to point out to his American readers, currency in the US took place after, and not before, political union, the right way round.'
Interesting..so close to my own ideas! At some stage in our lives I expect most of us make discoveries that we think are unique but in fact are common knowledge. I can remember as a young child making the discovery that if I filled the bath too full it overflowed when I got in - I had "displaced" the water. I was a little put out to learn that not only had some long-ago Greek already made the discovery but he'd taken it a step further with some mysteriously clever calculation or other. These days I'm happy to accept that if others are thinking along the same lines then maybe my ideas hold some water after all.
The EU and the single currency are in a woeful state at the moment. However we get out of it it's going to be messy. So, if there's a chance we're right about it being the wrong time for the EU to develop perhaps it would be a good idea for our illustrious leaders to rein in their ambition and work towards a loosening of ties in a considered and careful manner until we're in a situation we can all live with.
It's going to hurt one way or another, let's do it quiety and amicably or at least ensure we end up with a good solid basis on which to build a better arrangement - slowly!
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
The ties that bind us
The lovely, serene and beautiful aunt I mentioned as dying in a previous post has died. There was no blood link, no family link but she was still my aunt. Because neither of our families had much money when I was a child, my parents sent me and my brother to stay with my aunt and uncle for a couple of weeks holiday during the summer and they sent their daughter to stay with my parents. It was great! We lived in the London suburbs, it was green enough but my aunt and uncle had a small-holding on the coast. Auntie took us cockling down in the cove and afterwards I can remember standing at the kitchen sink helping her wash them before boiling and pickling them. Delicious! I picked up a small shell from the beach and gave it to her. She kept that shell for the rest of her life, in her purse, took it with her abroad on holidays, everywhere! It's still in her purse and her daughter is going to keep it, in her own purse from now on. A couple of years ago she laughingly reminded us of the chickens she kept. There were two enclosures and my bother and I were each given responsibility for one of the enclosures. It involved feeding the chickens and collecting the eggs. We were so excited about this we virtually followed the chickens round with our hands out waiting for them to lay an egg. It wasn't all fun, I can also remember crouching on the corner of their stairs crying my eyes out with home-sickness. Auntie just came and sat with her arms round me before taking me back to bed with the promise to ring my parents the next morning. Of course, everything was great and exciting again the next morning. Dad and uncle have been friends since they were youngsters and the families have remained close down the years. Holidays, family celebrations, even now we live hundreds of miles apart we stayed in touch. Mum rang auntie regularly during her final illness, Dad's ringing uncle regularly now she's gone. So there's no blood link but so what? Shared history, shared experiences, memories of a kind, smiling lady who brought pleasure and happiness to all who knew her. Those are good, strong links that will never break and why I claim her as my aunt. I love you auntie.
Saturday, 31 March 2012
Connections
Isn't it strange the way things happen?
Our family was supposed to be in Devon for a wedding this weekend. My father wasn't well enough for the journey so my brother stayed behind to look after him. My mother and I tried to get there but she had a fall before we left. Turns out, she'd had a small bleed on the brain, which had caused the fall, but we didn't know it at the time.
The bleed would have happened anyway but if she hadn't been so determined to get to the wedding she would probably have taken her normal dose of Warfarin and gone to bed, which could have led to further bleeding and then brain damage. Instead, she insisted she was ok so we set off.
We hit delays on the motorway, so we turned off and dropped down through Bath intending to pick up the A303. Because the traffic in Bath held us up we stopped at services before Frome for a snack and drink. This was when she took ill and realised she couldn't go on, and because we were where we were, we were within 15-20 minutes drive from Bath Hospital where most of her heart medical records are. Because we stopped at the hospital to have her checked over they spotted the bleed and she is now in the best place having the best care at the earliest possible time.
No matter what happens now the bride and groom have unknowingly given her the best possible chance of a good recovery. Their marriage is truly blessed.
Sometimes delays and obstacles happen for the best.
Our family was supposed to be in Devon for a wedding this weekend. My father wasn't well enough for the journey so my brother stayed behind to look after him. My mother and I tried to get there but she had a fall before we left. Turns out, she'd had a small bleed on the brain, which had caused the fall, but we didn't know it at the time.
The bleed would have happened anyway but if she hadn't been so determined to get to the wedding she would probably have taken her normal dose of Warfarin and gone to bed, which could have led to further bleeding and then brain damage. Instead, she insisted she was ok so we set off.
We hit delays on the motorway, so we turned off and dropped down through Bath intending to pick up the A303. Because the traffic in Bath held us up we stopped at services before Frome for a snack and drink. This was when she took ill and realised she couldn't go on, and because we were where we were, we were within 15-20 minutes drive from Bath Hospital where most of her heart medical records are. Because we stopped at the hospital to have her checked over they spotted the bleed and she is now in the best place having the best care at the earliest possible time.
No matter what happens now the bride and groom have unknowingly given her the best possible chance of a good recovery. Their marriage is truly blessed.
Sometimes delays and obstacles happen for the best.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
The good and the bad
Sometimes this world seems filled with the ignorant and the arrogant. Bullies who try to make the world their way either through manipulation or terrorism. People who are only out for themselves. Sometimes it seems as though these are the only people in this world. Sometimes it pays to remember that they aren't the only ones and that they aren't even a majority.
There are people in this world who grace us with their generosity of heart, impress us with their courage or just make us smile. Big gestures, small kindnesses.
There's the man who turned back to open and hold the door this morning when my hands were full; the greasy haired, skinny, leather-jacketed man I might have crossed the road to avoid if I'd come across him on a dark night but who smiled and spoke gently as I ducked under his arm.
The person who picked up a lost glove and put it on a nearby windowsill for the owner to come back and find.
The mand who looked after my grandfather as he was suffering a heart-attack, decades ago, and cared for him until the ambulance arrived.
The ladies who helped my grandmother the other year when she had a nasty fall in the street.
My cousin who was told she had a year to live; who turned down all treatment and spent the rest of her time l-i-v-i-n-g! Miss you girl!
The lady in my grandmother's sheltered accomodation who cooks for herself every day...and cooks enough to share around whoever most needs a meal that day. Whose grandchildren adore her and go with her to help weeding, planting or anything else someone may need done.
The stranger who smiles in the street.
The truck driver in the Canadian Rockies who stopped to help when I'd broken down on a hillside, in the middle of a forest, in the middle of no-where. Who said he'd report to the motorhome hire company when he got back to base and then make sure one of the other truckers heading back this way would let me know to reassure me it was done. Sure enough, an hour later, a truck slowed down on it's way past, the horn sounded and the driver frantically waved a thumbs-up as he went past. He checked up on me later through the CB radio with the tow-truck driver to make sure I'd been rescued ok.
My lovely, serene and beautiful aunt who has only a few months to live has also turned down painful and debilitating treatment in order to spend the time she has left enjoying the company of her husband, family and friends. No regrets she says, she's had a wonderful life and a wonderful marriage.
The couple who took a lonely traveller under their wing for a day, never having met her before.
The friend who listens.
Old people, young people, people near and people far away. People in my life now and people I used to know. There are far more kind, generous and friendly people, or just plain ok people than there are of the other kind. If that's so in my little world, why should it be otherwise elsewhere?
Look around you folks, can you see more good than bad? I hope so.
There are people in this world who grace us with their generosity of heart, impress us with their courage or just make us smile. Big gestures, small kindnesses.
There's the man who turned back to open and hold the door this morning when my hands were full; the greasy haired, skinny, leather-jacketed man I might have crossed the road to avoid if I'd come across him on a dark night but who smiled and spoke gently as I ducked under his arm.
The person who picked up a lost glove and put it on a nearby windowsill for the owner to come back and find.
The mand who looked after my grandfather as he was suffering a heart-attack, decades ago, and cared for him until the ambulance arrived.
The ladies who helped my grandmother the other year when she had a nasty fall in the street.
My cousin who was told she had a year to live; who turned down all treatment and spent the rest of her time l-i-v-i-n-g! Miss you girl!
The lady in my grandmother's sheltered accomodation who cooks for herself every day...and cooks enough to share around whoever most needs a meal that day. Whose grandchildren adore her and go with her to help weeding, planting or anything else someone may need done.
The stranger who smiles in the street.
The truck driver in the Canadian Rockies who stopped to help when I'd broken down on a hillside, in the middle of a forest, in the middle of no-where. Who said he'd report to the motorhome hire company when he got back to base and then make sure one of the other truckers heading back this way would let me know to reassure me it was done. Sure enough, an hour later, a truck slowed down on it's way past, the horn sounded and the driver frantically waved a thumbs-up as he went past. He checked up on me later through the CB radio with the tow-truck driver to make sure I'd been rescued ok.
My lovely, serene and beautiful aunt who has only a few months to live has also turned down painful and debilitating treatment in order to spend the time she has left enjoying the company of her husband, family and friends. No regrets she says, she's had a wonderful life and a wonderful marriage.
The couple who took a lonely traveller under their wing for a day, never having met her before.
The friend who listens.
Old people, young people, people near and people far away. People in my life now and people I used to know. There are far more kind, generous and friendly people, or just plain ok people than there are of the other kind. If that's so in my little world, why should it be otherwise elsewhere?
Look around you folks, can you see more good than bad? I hope so.
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Benefit capping
We have families in this country with five or ten or more children but no wage earners, in massive houses in expensive areas living off benefits. The Government wants to crack down on this sort of thing by limiting benefits to £26,000 per annum. The church (Church of England) is opposing the move until such time as the Government agrees to leave child benefit out of the equation on the basis the benefit is for the children not the parents and they shouldn’t suffer.
This was the topic of conversation in the paper shop this morning. The local paper shop is a centre for deep philosophical discussion…and gossip…in many small towns around the country! Folk go in to buy their morning paper, spot the headlines and let off a head of steam before wandering out again. Sometimes, if the headlines hit a sore enough spot, the discussions spread over quite a few days.
The consensus of these bread-earners was that benefits should be limited even lower than £26,000, down to the minimum wage in fact. The thought was - why should they be working and keeping their family on far less than £26,000 and at the same time paying for others to have a better lifestyle and not work towards a penny of it? They most certainly didn’t have a burning urge to fund someone else’s outsize family!
I agree with them wholeheartedly. The point that children should not suffer for their parents is fair but how much of the money that goes in child support actually goes to the children? Are parents who are so irresponsible and selfish as to have that many children in the first place, the sort of people who can be trusted with the money needed to bring those children up? I know of what I speak, sadly I’ve seen situations with my own eyes where children are neglected while the parents smoke, drink, take drugs and completely fail to instil discipline or prepare them for a working life. The majority of these children grow to do the same themselves. The cycle needs to be broken.
Yes, I know not everyone claiming benefits is avoiding work, and no, I don’t want to prevent anyone who really needs help from getting it. But – the welfare system is intended as short-term help for people who find themselves in need through no fault of their own; it’s not meant to be a lifestyle choice, using children as money-cows.
Here’s a thought…why doesn’t the Government issue notice that with effect from 2013, child benefit will be limited to two children for any one mother and there will be no obligation on society to provide larger accommodation as well as capping benefits at £26,000? Anyone who has more than two children after that has only themselves to blame. Child benefit lasts up to age 16 so in 17 years time it will be down to a reasonable level and perhaps we’ll be on the way to a more responsible society?
Where does the church fit into this? Well, perhaps they could ease the burden by selling some of their huge assets and giving more practical help in supporting and re-educating the families so we can introduce the two-child limit now. Get out there and lead by example instead of sticking their noses into politics. It’s not universal but mostly the only time we hear from the church is for church-spire fundraisers and gathering clothing to send abroad. If they’re actually doing more then they’re being incredibly quiet about it.
This was the topic of conversation in the paper shop this morning. The local paper shop is a centre for deep philosophical discussion…and gossip…in many small towns around the country! Folk go in to buy their morning paper, spot the headlines and let off a head of steam before wandering out again. Sometimes, if the headlines hit a sore enough spot, the discussions spread over quite a few days.
The consensus of these bread-earners was that benefits should be limited even lower than £26,000, down to the minimum wage in fact. The thought was - why should they be working and keeping their family on far less than £26,000 and at the same time paying for others to have a better lifestyle and not work towards a penny of it? They most certainly didn’t have a burning urge to fund someone else’s outsize family!
I agree with them wholeheartedly. The point that children should not suffer for their parents is fair but how much of the money that goes in child support actually goes to the children? Are parents who are so irresponsible and selfish as to have that many children in the first place, the sort of people who can be trusted with the money needed to bring those children up? I know of what I speak, sadly I’ve seen situations with my own eyes where children are neglected while the parents smoke, drink, take drugs and completely fail to instil discipline or prepare them for a working life. The majority of these children grow to do the same themselves. The cycle needs to be broken.
Yes, I know not everyone claiming benefits is avoiding work, and no, I don’t want to prevent anyone who really needs help from getting it. But – the welfare system is intended as short-term help for people who find themselves in need through no fault of their own; it’s not meant to be a lifestyle choice, using children as money-cows.
Here’s a thought…why doesn’t the Government issue notice that with effect from 2013, child benefit will be limited to two children for any one mother and there will be no obligation on society to provide larger accommodation as well as capping benefits at £26,000? Anyone who has more than two children after that has only themselves to blame. Child benefit lasts up to age 16 so in 17 years time it will be down to a reasonable level and perhaps we’ll be on the way to a more responsible society?
Where does the church fit into this? Well, perhaps they could ease the burden by selling some of their huge assets and giving more practical help in supporting and re-educating the families so we can introduce the two-child limit now. Get out there and lead by example instead of sticking their noses into politics. It’s not universal but mostly the only time we hear from the church is for church-spire fundraisers and gathering clothing to send abroad. If they’re actually doing more then they’re being incredibly quiet about it.
Saturday, 7 January 2012
Differences
Yesterday, at work, I was on the phone dealing with a query from a client in Germany. His English was laboured but my German is a whole lot worse – around twenty words of German and twelve of those are the numbers one to twelve – so I wasn’t about to make any judgements. Once we’d finished with business it was clear he wanted to chat, well, we weren’t busy and keeping clients happy is part of my job so I was happy to listen. He’d been a really sweet man to deal with and that wasn’t about to change. He was in his mid sixties and I understood him to be retired from some sort of educational post involving politics.
He asked politely if it would be ok for him to broach a subject that until now has apparently been taboo between our countries. The gist of it was that he was aware the Germans had a bad reputation based on their history (which I assumed to mean in relation to the wars but I could have misunderstood), to which I felt obliged to mention they also had a good reputation as hard workers and brilliant technicians, especially in industry. Regardless of this, his point was that, putting our history aside, we are much more alike than many others of the European Community. It seemed important to him that at least one person over here should know that the general population in Germany did not agree with their politicians’ stance with regard to the European Union. He was perfectly clear in his meaning, using simple words; that the general populace in Germany was behind the UK in standing up to recent proposals put forward by Germany and France.
To be fair, so you know the basis for my thinking, I’m not in favour of the EU. I don’t object to the common market side of it, that’s not a dissimilar concept to the Commonwealth, just involving different countries. I just don’t see why we should want any deeper entanglements. I’ve never been an advocate of ‘bigger is better’; in my mind it simply makes things more unwieldy and more difficult to control. Also, Europe is a wonderfully complex and diverse mix of peoples, lifestyles, and beliefs. Those differences are what makes Europe such a richly interesting place, I would hate to see it reduced to a position where there would be no difference between one country and the next – how boring! However, because of these differences, there is a great disparity in attitude towards work ethics and collecting taxes, amongst many others. Besides, which country’s peoples, lifestyle and beliefs are the best? Who should we all mould ourselves around? No – best we evolve separately. If that evolution leads us into closer ties and eventual merging into one society then fine, but let it happen naturally, gradually, over a long period of time. So far, we’ve been hurried, harried, hustled, pushed and bullied into what we are today – and IT’S NOT WORKING! All countries of the EU have long histories and traditions. We don’t do well being told what to do. We all want to stamp our own personality on the union; we are not ready to be what France and Germany are trying to make us into.
I had rather thought my view was a small and solitary one but my conversation with the sweet German seems to show otherwise. I’ve spoken to others here over the last 24 hours and I’m not the only one to hold these views. The consensus (ok…it’s not a large consensus) seems to be that we’re not ready yet; we’re too entrenched in our outlooks due to our long histories and we need more experience working together under a ‘Common Market’ before we try to take any further steps.
The EU could work, eventually; the US is an example of different states, with different rules working together. So why should it work so much better for them than us? Well, history is a large part. There is just SO MUCH history in Europe between the different member countries, so many differences to put aside. The countries are entrenched in their own history and not naturally looking to associate themselves with others. The Americans were made up of the more adventurous individuals of the old countries, they were people who were looking for a different life and willing to work hard to achieve that. They WANTED to create something new, even if they didn’t know what it was they were aiming for while they were living through it. We in Europe, however, are not made of the same mind-set and until we WANT it, it’s not going to work. The Americans didn’t manage it overnight and even then, not without difficulties. If they, with their younger outlook and drive couldn’t manage it without problems, how can we, with our centuries of discord and differences manage it in a mere few years?
No, I say better to re-trench, work together as best we can until we become more used to each other and wait and see how matters develop. Who knows...perhaps the end result will be better for evolving rather than being forced?
He asked politely if it would be ok for him to broach a subject that until now has apparently been taboo between our countries. The gist of it was that he was aware the Germans had a bad reputation based on their history (which I assumed to mean in relation to the wars but I could have misunderstood), to which I felt obliged to mention they also had a good reputation as hard workers and brilliant technicians, especially in industry. Regardless of this, his point was that, putting our history aside, we are much more alike than many others of the European Community. It seemed important to him that at least one person over here should know that the general population in Germany did not agree with their politicians’ stance with regard to the European Union. He was perfectly clear in his meaning, using simple words; that the general populace in Germany was behind the UK in standing up to recent proposals put forward by Germany and France.
To be fair, so you know the basis for my thinking, I’m not in favour of the EU. I don’t object to the common market side of it, that’s not a dissimilar concept to the Commonwealth, just involving different countries. I just don’t see why we should want any deeper entanglements. I’ve never been an advocate of ‘bigger is better’; in my mind it simply makes things more unwieldy and more difficult to control. Also, Europe is a wonderfully complex and diverse mix of peoples, lifestyles, and beliefs. Those differences are what makes Europe such a richly interesting place, I would hate to see it reduced to a position where there would be no difference between one country and the next – how boring! However, because of these differences, there is a great disparity in attitude towards work ethics and collecting taxes, amongst many others. Besides, which country’s peoples, lifestyle and beliefs are the best? Who should we all mould ourselves around? No – best we evolve separately. If that evolution leads us into closer ties and eventual merging into one society then fine, but let it happen naturally, gradually, over a long period of time. So far, we’ve been hurried, harried, hustled, pushed and bullied into what we are today – and IT’S NOT WORKING! All countries of the EU have long histories and traditions. We don’t do well being told what to do. We all want to stamp our own personality on the union; we are not ready to be what France and Germany are trying to make us into.
I had rather thought my view was a small and solitary one but my conversation with the sweet German seems to show otherwise. I’ve spoken to others here over the last 24 hours and I’m not the only one to hold these views. The consensus (ok…it’s not a large consensus) seems to be that we’re not ready yet; we’re too entrenched in our outlooks due to our long histories and we need more experience working together under a ‘Common Market’ before we try to take any further steps.
The EU could work, eventually; the US is an example of different states, with different rules working together. So why should it work so much better for them than us? Well, history is a large part. There is just SO MUCH history in Europe between the different member countries, so many differences to put aside. The countries are entrenched in their own history and not naturally looking to associate themselves with others. The Americans were made up of the more adventurous individuals of the old countries, they were people who were looking for a different life and willing to work hard to achieve that. They WANTED to create something new, even if they didn’t know what it was they were aiming for while they were living through it. We in Europe, however, are not made of the same mind-set and until we WANT it, it’s not going to work. The Americans didn’t manage it overnight and even then, not without difficulties. If they, with their younger outlook and drive couldn’t manage it without problems, how can we, with our centuries of discord and differences manage it in a mere few years?
No, I say better to re-trench, work together as best we can until we become more used to each other and wait and see how matters develop. Who knows...perhaps the end result will be better for evolving rather than being forced?
Saturday, 26 November 2011
Lastly, on Egypt
It saddens me to read about the troubles they have had since my return. I worry for my friend and her family and for all the lovely people I met while I was there. I hope Egypt finds true peace quickly.
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
An Englishwoman's experience of the Egyptians
They are a complicated people.
They can seem an angry and scary people. They look grim as they go about their daily business and, to the English ear, they always sound as though they are arguing and trading insults, especially since they look so dour as well.
Watching them in the traffic, haggling over prices in the shops, even ordering a meal in a restaurant reinforces this impression. One day my friend called me into her bedroom to watch an argument going on in the street below. Some sort of small traffic matter but there was lots of gesticulating going on and I thought they would come to blows. With great glee my friend advised me they were insulting each other's mother's vaginas! They can be very inventive with their insults.
On the other hand, one day found a car blocking traffic from four directions because a kitten had got stuck somewhere underneath the bonnet of the car. The occupants of four cars, including us, were all huddled round the front using the lights from mobile phones, torches or simply down on hands and knees under the vehicle, looking for this poor kitten. Eventually the kitten got bored of this game and shot out and away. Everyone congratulated each other and went happily on their way.
Then there's the matter of modesty. The first time I visited Egypt, almost 30 years ago, I was advised not to look men in the eye, it was immodest. Even today, women have a way of looking, but not looking, at men; more a case of...in their general direction but through them. It's not bad manners, it's modesty. Men will avoid looking at women in the eyes out of respect and to avoid giving offence. Because of this, everyone seems to walk around in their own little world until actually spoken to.
It can be very off-putting to the western female. Where I live, people look each other in the eye, we laugh and joke as we go about our business, talk in queues, don't worry whether we're talking to men or women, just people. Well, more or less...a little flirting makes the world go round and mostly we can tell when it's general friendly interaction or something else.
In the airports it was mostly men until body-searching was needed and women took over. Men would solemnly go about their business and not look you in the eye until something out of the ordinary happened, like when I went the wrong way and looked to be missing out the security machines. I'd be politely directed the right way and when I gave a broad smile and a 'sorry' they couldn't seem to help themselves and respond with a reasuring smile and be very helpful. In other words...'she's English, she can't help it'. Certain allowances would be made without stepping over the line between friendliness and informality.
For my part I tried very hard to fit in, apart from not looking people in the eye I wore trousers, long sleeves and nothing even slightly see-through or with low necklines. Not that I wear outrageous clothing at the best of times but I covered up more than usual for me. I was very hot from time to time but persevered. I wasn't about to wear a headscarf or a veil but the Egyptians are a reasonable people and it was obvious I was making an effort and I felt it was appreciated and accepted.
I heard that some of the passengers on cruise ships into Alexandria have a different outlook. In a way it's understandable because they are in a western environment on board and I suppose the shore excursions seem more like entertainment laid on especially for them rather than a visit to a different culture. The Egyptians view it rather differently. I'm told they are nice and polite because they want the visitors to feel welcome but they are in fact insulted by the inconsiderate expanse of flesh on view.
The long and the short of it, I tried to fit in and they responded by making me very very, very welcome.
I've met my friend's Egyptian husband only half a dozen times over the last 25-30 years and he has been unfailing kind and friendly. His English is rusty and my Arabic is non-existant other than a few words but we communicated well enough. For instance, I'd come into the livng room and sit down with a coffee, or a snack, or a book and he'd give me a mock glower, I'd grin and shrug back at him and he'd smile or laugh at me. Little things. I'd be sitting reading and he'd hand me an orange, and we'd sit watching the TV companionably eating our fruit, or, in the village, he came in with a section of sugar cane from the orchard and taught me how to eat it - carefully with due consideration for teeth! Not a demonstrative man but able to make me feel at home with the little things.
My friend has a lady who comes in to clean, iron, cook and so on. She doesn't have a single word of English but we communicated well enough through smiles and gestures. I was delighted when she handed me a bowl of beans and asked me to help prepare them. I sat and worked on them, happily listening to music and feeling a part of the household. Again, a little thing but one that made me feel good and at home. (Loved her cooking too!)
While in Cairo we visited a cousins and spent a some hours in their home. Afterwards I was told the husband, who spoke English, hoped I wasn't offended by his not having a chance to speak to me in English but he hadn't wanted to bombard me with questions - again, an example of the consideration and sensitivity of the Egyptian people. Sadly, when he came to visit in the village, over the festival, I was out walking with my friend and I missed him. I would have like to tell him I wasn't offended at all and in fact am more than happy sitting, listening and watching even when I can't understand what's being said. People-watching is a favourite occupation of mine.
In the village, people were both more natural and more formal, it's hard to explain. The kids in adult company were shy but not afraid to stare (the kids outside with their peers were the same as kids everywhere with their peers - brash, noisy, inquisitive and competitive), the teenagers and young adults were eager to please but uncomfortable looking at you. The adults were invariably welcoming. Usually they didn't seem to know how to deal with me but the language barrier caused most of that.
One little girl, looking fine in her festival best of shiny hair grips and jumper with a butterfly of the front, couldn't understand that I didn't speak Arabic and simply carried on speaking to me as usual; I shared some of my mandarine with her. Two young male cousins couldn't seem to look at me directly but one of them would rush forward to relieve me of anything that needed carrying. I felt a special affinity for one young lady who seemed to take me under her wing from the moment I arrived. I was witness to the ritual slaughters and she made sure I had good views and so on. One evening we had a visit from my friend's sister-in-law and four children. A son, who is due to do into the army and three daughters who are all in good jobs. All four have been through university and are well-educated and speak English, to varying degrees. It was a wonderful time filled with laughter. Although the mother-in-law didn't speak English and I didn't speak Arabic, the others translated as needed so the conversation flowed and no-one felt left out.
By the way, watching the ritual slaughters wasn't as gruesome as you might think. As I mentioned in a previous post, the animals were well looked after in life and they were slaughtered in the most humane way possible. Yes, there was an air of celebration but not...I don't have the words...not, nasty. It originates with a part of the Koran where Abraham was ready to sacrifice his son to God but God allowed him to replace his son with an animal. The animals slaughtered during the Hajj festival don't go to feed the owners. Oh, a joint might be kept but the rest goes to the poor. The animals are slaughtered, butchered on the spot and the meat is separated into parcels and sent immediately to poor families. I watched as the meat parcels were handed to the young members of the family who were sent off with directions to the families who were to receive the food.
In short, I have a great respect for the Egyptian people and am extremely grateful to all of those who made my trip so special. Including and especially my friend and her family who, frankly, are my family at heart.
They can seem an angry and scary people. They look grim as they go about their daily business and, to the English ear, they always sound as though they are arguing and trading insults, especially since they look so dour as well.
Watching them in the traffic, haggling over prices in the shops, even ordering a meal in a restaurant reinforces this impression. One day my friend called me into her bedroom to watch an argument going on in the street below. Some sort of small traffic matter but there was lots of gesticulating going on and I thought they would come to blows. With great glee my friend advised me they were insulting each other's mother's vaginas! They can be very inventive with their insults.
On the other hand, one day found a car blocking traffic from four directions because a kitten had got stuck somewhere underneath the bonnet of the car. The occupants of four cars, including us, were all huddled round the front using the lights from mobile phones, torches or simply down on hands and knees under the vehicle, looking for this poor kitten. Eventually the kitten got bored of this game and shot out and away. Everyone congratulated each other and went happily on their way.
Then there's the matter of modesty. The first time I visited Egypt, almost 30 years ago, I was advised not to look men in the eye, it was immodest. Even today, women have a way of looking, but not looking, at men; more a case of...in their general direction but through them. It's not bad manners, it's modesty. Men will avoid looking at women in the eyes out of respect and to avoid giving offence. Because of this, everyone seems to walk around in their own little world until actually spoken to.
It can be very off-putting to the western female. Where I live, people look each other in the eye, we laugh and joke as we go about our business, talk in queues, don't worry whether we're talking to men or women, just people. Well, more or less...a little flirting makes the world go round and mostly we can tell when it's general friendly interaction or something else.
In the airports it was mostly men until body-searching was needed and women took over. Men would solemnly go about their business and not look you in the eye until something out of the ordinary happened, like when I went the wrong way and looked to be missing out the security machines. I'd be politely directed the right way and when I gave a broad smile and a 'sorry' they couldn't seem to help themselves and respond with a reasuring smile and be very helpful. In other words...'she's English, she can't help it'. Certain allowances would be made without stepping over the line between friendliness and informality.
For my part I tried very hard to fit in, apart from not looking people in the eye I wore trousers, long sleeves and nothing even slightly see-through or with low necklines. Not that I wear outrageous clothing at the best of times but I covered up more than usual for me. I was very hot from time to time but persevered. I wasn't about to wear a headscarf or a veil but the Egyptians are a reasonable people and it was obvious I was making an effort and I felt it was appreciated and accepted.
I heard that some of the passengers on cruise ships into Alexandria have a different outlook. In a way it's understandable because they are in a western environment on board and I suppose the shore excursions seem more like entertainment laid on especially for them rather than a visit to a different culture. The Egyptians view it rather differently. I'm told they are nice and polite because they want the visitors to feel welcome but they are in fact insulted by the inconsiderate expanse of flesh on view.
The long and the short of it, I tried to fit in and they responded by making me very very, very welcome.
I've met my friend's Egyptian husband only half a dozen times over the last 25-30 years and he has been unfailing kind and friendly. His English is rusty and my Arabic is non-existant other than a few words but we communicated well enough. For instance, I'd come into the livng room and sit down with a coffee, or a snack, or a book and he'd give me a mock glower, I'd grin and shrug back at him and he'd smile or laugh at me. Little things. I'd be sitting reading and he'd hand me an orange, and we'd sit watching the TV companionably eating our fruit, or, in the village, he came in with a section of sugar cane from the orchard and taught me how to eat it - carefully with due consideration for teeth! Not a demonstrative man but able to make me feel at home with the little things.
My friend has a lady who comes in to clean, iron, cook and so on. She doesn't have a single word of English but we communicated well enough through smiles and gestures. I was delighted when she handed me a bowl of beans and asked me to help prepare them. I sat and worked on them, happily listening to music and feeling a part of the household. Again, a little thing but one that made me feel good and at home. (Loved her cooking too!)
While in Cairo we visited a cousins and spent a some hours in their home. Afterwards I was told the husband, who spoke English, hoped I wasn't offended by his not having a chance to speak to me in English but he hadn't wanted to bombard me with questions - again, an example of the consideration and sensitivity of the Egyptian people. Sadly, when he came to visit in the village, over the festival, I was out walking with my friend and I missed him. I would have like to tell him I wasn't offended at all and in fact am more than happy sitting, listening and watching even when I can't understand what's being said. People-watching is a favourite occupation of mine.
In the village, people were both more natural and more formal, it's hard to explain. The kids in adult company were shy but not afraid to stare (the kids outside with their peers were the same as kids everywhere with their peers - brash, noisy, inquisitive and competitive), the teenagers and young adults were eager to please but uncomfortable looking at you. The adults were invariably welcoming. Usually they didn't seem to know how to deal with me but the language barrier caused most of that.
One little girl, looking fine in her festival best of shiny hair grips and jumper with a butterfly of the front, couldn't understand that I didn't speak Arabic and simply carried on speaking to me as usual; I shared some of my mandarine with her. Two young male cousins couldn't seem to look at me directly but one of them would rush forward to relieve me of anything that needed carrying. I felt a special affinity for one young lady who seemed to take me under her wing from the moment I arrived. I was witness to the ritual slaughters and she made sure I had good views and so on. One evening we had a visit from my friend's sister-in-law and four children. A son, who is due to do into the army and three daughters who are all in good jobs. All four have been through university and are well-educated and speak English, to varying degrees. It was a wonderful time filled with laughter. Although the mother-in-law didn't speak English and I didn't speak Arabic, the others translated as needed so the conversation flowed and no-one felt left out.
By the way, watching the ritual slaughters wasn't as gruesome as you might think. As I mentioned in a previous post, the animals were well looked after in life and they were slaughtered in the most humane way possible. Yes, there was an air of celebration but not...I don't have the words...not, nasty. It originates with a part of the Koran where Abraham was ready to sacrifice his son to God but God allowed him to replace his son with an animal. The animals slaughtered during the Hajj festival don't go to feed the owners. Oh, a joint might be kept but the rest goes to the poor. The animals are slaughtered, butchered on the spot and the meat is separated into parcels and sent immediately to poor families. I watched as the meat parcels were handed to the young members of the family who were sent off with directions to the families who were to receive the food.
In short, I have a great respect for the Egyptian people and am extremely grateful to all of those who made my trip so special. Including and especially my friend and her family who, frankly, are my family at heart.
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
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